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Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr / Ms Right


Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you spent many hours (years) going to parties and events with the hope of meeting compatible and available singles? If so, now may be time to think about doing something different. Really different.

After all, we tend to move about socially in the same close-knit circles. The same guys/women at a friend's party or at the functions held by our church or synagogue. Even the happy hour crowd can become all too familiar. Don't despair. There are lots of new and exciting ways to meet people if you are willing to do a little local research and are game for some new adventures.

Before I get into the specifics, I need to emphasize the importance of having a basic plan. Primarily this involves a budget for time and money investment. It also requires that you really think about what would meet YOUR needs, as you get ready to commit to some new leisure activities and interests.

A good way to start is to spend a little time thinking about those things you always wanted to try or to learn about. For instance, have you had a desire to try hiking, biking, swimming or other athletic pursuits? What about something a little more exotic like caving, skydiving or scuba? Perhaps cultural pursuits are more to your liking, but you don't know anyone you can share these with. If so, you may feel uncomfortable or just not interested in going out and doing them alone.

With some ideas in mind, (or maybe no specific list), you are ready to begin to gather information about local available resources.

Major metropolitan areas are rich in singles events. These are hosted by for profit companies as well as singles groups/clubs that are affiliated with religious and other private organizations. You can begin your search by looking through local newspapers and checking out the listings with you county, city or community center. A web search is also a great way to gather information. Just use keywords that include singles, activities, events, and the name of your local metropolitan area. If you live in an outer, less populated area, don't give up. Look into what is available in the nearest large city. Also, note the trips for singles that allow you to meet people from around the country.

Once you have identified regional and local groups and organizations, begin to go through all their listings. Be open to hearing/reading about everything that is available. This process can give you a lot of ideas and will let you know what all your choices are. The list can be almost overwhelming! Many singles are searching for new adventures and this has led to an explosion of activities and events being offered.

The following is a "rough" list of what you may find:

  • Sports - volleyball, basketball, tennis, golf, sailing, horseback riding, and sports leagues for a number of team sports

  • Athletic - hiking, biking, canoeing, kayaking, white water rafting, camping, walking groups

  • New Skill Learning - pistol-shooting classes

  • Cultural - museum tours, theatre, ballet, symphony, opera

  • Social - scavenger hunts, wine tasting at vineyards, group dinners

After you have made your picks, check to see that you can work them into your schedule and budget. Remember, as you make your final selection(s), that this is supposed to be FUN for you. Choose something that you believe you would enjoy and that would be basically within your ability to participate in. (i.e.) If you are terrified of heights, avoid skydiving.

Keep in mind that challenging athletic pursuits tend to bring out the (true) best and worst sides of us all. Not only will you give yourself an experience that can help you develop greater confidence and self-esteem, you will also learn more about yourself and how you relate to others. This will be true of the other participants as well. Therefore, you will get a much more candid snapshot of the singles you meet during these activities/events. You will also maximize your opportunity to meet like-minded singles, who share at least one of your interests.

So, pull some of those old dreams or recent fantasies out of mothballs. Let yourself play. Along the way you just may find a new favorite passion, a great friend or new love.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.


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